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"Don't play for safety-it's the most dangerous thing in the world" - the fortune cookie sigh said while I was in a shelter. Really? How did a fortune cookie knew about my secret?
All my life I was scared of making bad decisions and knew exactly what I don't want. In a family chapter I didn't want to be alone, be a single mother, to be screamed, called bad names....etc. The universe looked at me and said "you want everything to be easy? Not a chance!" And I've got everything I was afraid off right in my face. It turned my "loving", "intelligent", "church boy" husband to a monster and 3 year later I'm in a shelter with a two beautiful daughters.
The shelter wasn't exactly like the one I saw in a movies, it was much better. However, it wasn't clear where I can go after? It took me only a week of desperate crying, to hear from a social worker "transitional house". I've never heard about this before. The only thing I've heard "I can stay there for a year". Good.
I am at Armagh. I need to unpack boxes, make a hundred phone calls. My girls are playing with a toys which was nicely wrapped. They are distracted, not bored and that is what I need, to buy some time to get things done. A little details have a huge difference, I am surprised to see milk and cereal, which means I don't need to walk on -25 to a store. I have everything i needed to start my own life. Also, the most important thing - I am not alone. I know that I am safe, I feel secure.
It is not the easiest thing in the world to leave your house, go to a shelter, be a single mother, to be on your own even though you're not a little girl anymore. I have support at Armagh, I can share my worries, and it feels good. The kids get spoiled with toys and events. Which is nice, let them be spoiled, let them be happy, let them feel to be welcomed, and I will definitely make sure that they feel loved and needed. Who all this people who made this happen? Not my relatives, not my friends, not my doctor and not my spouse....These people were total strangers to me, but their commitment and patients means a lot to me. I'll thank them for the rest of my life. For being there for me without criticism and judgment.
Now we have a beautiful apartment, my hopes and dreams are back. The girls almost finished their school year, I want them to be healthy and happy and I will make everything possible to get this done. I hope they can learn something from my journey and I hope one day they will be proud of me.
"Smiling will take away all your worries" another fortune cookie said, and I will do that..Every day....religiously)