I Broke the Cycle

There's an untold story in this country of women who are left to provide for themselves through the storm. I am one of them, yet I on the other hand am blessed to have gone through my journey. My name is Melani Bastians. I am now 37 years old. I was 34 when I started my journey outside the Milton court house where my exhusband left me. I have four beautiful daughters now aged 11, 9, and twins that are 6. This is my testimony. 

In May of 2013 my life changed, I ended up in a shelter for abused women. I was there for almost 2 months. With one extention of stay after another with no where to go. No money to find a place of my own. I was alone, depressed, scared, broken, and most of all unsure of what the future held for my children and myself. I had no family out in Ontario to help me and no friends, so I ended up going back to the toxic situation I was in to begin with. It was just a matter of time until the cycle started again. The oppression, control, abuse of many kinds, the breaking own of my spirit and the lack of love. I ended up right back in the shelter for abused women with my children. It was an emotional Rollercoaster. I was once again in the same cycle of the system. The suggestions, the feeling of a number, being hurried to find solutions of my own and feeling like this life was not worth it! One of the workers one morning approached me and told me that a place called Armagh has an opening for a mom with 4 kids and I can apply. 

I didn't really know what that meant but it felt like another option just like the rest. To me I was out of options so why not give Armagh a go. Armagh, a transitional home for women like me, a safe place to call me own with supports in place on site to help me rebuild my life and look forward to a better future for my children is the way the worker described it. It was sounding a little too good to be true. Well, I went and met with Lynn the director because Jessica the transitional housing worker was away, and let me tell you. My life was changed! She couldn't offer me the bigger unit because of my kids not being with me all the time but Lynn didn't turn me away. On the spot she offered me a 1 bedroom tiny apartment and instantly I started out cry. She was so sweet in trying to console me saying " oh it only gets better from here, I know it's little but it's yours!" I told her, " I'm crying bc I'm so happy that I don't have to go back to an abusive situation!!!" I moved in to Armagh on Nov 3 2014 and after a long year and a half I had a great night sleep knowing that I was safe. 

Where do I begin to tell you of how Armagh changed our lives? How do I put into words how the staff has impacted my life, even now. AMAZING!!! I was given a safe, loving, understanding, caring, non judgemental, supportive, considerate, helpful, free to be me environment and most of all a place to call home. An apartment within an amazing house. I got a lot of supports from food to clothing, transportation assistance, counseling for myself as well as my kids, programs to rebuild my confidence and educate me to be an amazing mom. The different sponsors that gave us stuff, I cried so many happy ears to know that someone out there cared enough about my family. Christmas was insane with all the gifts and gift cards I was overwhelmed. But month after month it was something new, trips to Canada's wonderland, Mary Kay, GE women's empowering day, boutique where we were allowed to shop for free, breakfast with Santa, and the list goes on and on. If I were to take all the free " stuff " away... Armagh is still the best place that ever happened to my children and me. I have gained confidence in myself, I have learned like skills to keep me going, I have been given a new way of thinking, tools to do better in life and to know I CAN DO IT ON MY OWN! 

I lived at Armagh for one year, I have been completely transformed from the women that first went there. Through the generous support of donors, volunteers and the phenomenal staff my life is forever changed!!! Forever a women who now knows her worth, a women who has confidence in all I do, a women who can build a foundation for her children. My daughters had an amazing year while they were at Armagh, with programs like reading to service dogs, back to school supplies, meeting the police chief and so many weekly surprises I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for the opportunity to live at Armagh for that one year. On top of all the amazing fundamental life lessons and all the unimaginable things we were given while we stayed there, the ton of stuff given to us when we were moving out into the world on our own. From grocery vouchers to Kitchen stuff to furniture, they covered every room in my new home. Jessica called me monthly for the first little while to ensure I was ok. Lynn gave me the opportunity to share my story with a room full of teachers and Hazel the former Mayor of Mississauga. It just doest stop. 

I just want to take the opportunity to thank everyone donor, volunteer and all the staff at Armagh for changing my life. For giving me a real second chance. I believe that there should be more Armaghs for women like me. I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for this out of this world transitional home. I am truly blessed to be alive and doing as well as I am. With a strong passion for life, a business of my own and a foundation for my four daughters that began at Armagh! My name is Melani and this is my testimony of the most amazing place on earth to me, a place where I BROKE THE CYCLE OF ABUSE!