A Resident Speaks Out
I knew there was something wrong with my marriage long before I had the courage to leave. It seemed I had two equally unappealing options: make the marriage work and duck the punches or leave everything behind and run.
I ran, eventually, but only because I feared for my life.
The shelter system offers a limited stay if you are lucky enough to find a bed when you pluck up your courage and leave the abuse. It is a chance to begin again. It is a chance to apply for welfare and to remove oneself from the immediate danger. But it reinforces the idea of punishment that many of us first grew accustomed to in our relationship with an abuser.
We speak about the logistics of plans to end domestic violence. We speak of adequate housing, job opportunities and subsidized daycare. We avoid talking about the losses that hurt too much to acknowledge. We close the door on one life and tell ourselves the next door will be a better choice.
On the outside we appear to set and meet our goals and expectations. We measure ourselves by what we accomplish. But inside the work we do is different. It is not easy. It is not fair. It isn’t even understood by many who cannot relate to the experience. It is clearly impossible to do this “inside” work in a two-week period.
For those of us who call Armagh home, we know we are able to stay for a year. That is the real beauty of Armagh.
One can stay for a reasonable amount of time. One can try to remember what making a choice feels like. When we are empowered and strengthened, we run toward our hopes and dreams. When we are scared and threatened we run away from our fears.
Armagh is a process. It is a chance to take a breath between the fear and the desire to live fully. For myself, it is also the knowledge that I am not struggling alone. I share similar stories with my housemates. We understand that some of our losses are too painful for words but we also know that we do understand what those losses feel like. And the road we travel seems less lonely. Our journey becomes less isolating. We have time to strengthen ourselves and to mend our broken spirits.
Most importantly, Armagh helps us learn how to change our thoughts of “running away” into thoughts of “working towards”.